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Voices: I know how Utah treats victims of sexual assault. We deserve to be believed, not silenced.

Due process is essential. But so is humanity.

(Francisco Kjolseth | The Salt Lake Tribune) A sexual assault evidence collection kit is displayed at a press conference on July 19, 2017 at the DPS Crime Lab in Taylorsville.

Note to readers • This story discusses sexual assault. If you need to report or discuss a sexual assault, you can call the Utah Rape and Sexual Assault Crisis Line at 801-736-4356.

“Did you say stop or fight back?”

It’s a question I’ve been asked more than a dozen times by police officers, Title IX administrators and even family since I was raped. For survivors of sexual assault, this is a familiar script. The burden of proof, of clarity, of perfection, always falls on the survivor — even after our bodies and boundaries have already been violated.

When I read about the lawsuit against BYU quarterback Jake Retzlaff, I felt a familiar ache. A woman, Jane Doe, alleges she was sexually assaulted by Retzlaff in November 2023 after saying “no” and “stop.” After having a rape kit performed at the hospital, Doe eventually named Retzlaff to the police. She says she was told not to bother, because “sexual assault victims never get justice.”

While police deny saying it, that line hit me like a punch in the stomach. Because I’ve heard it, too.

The first time I was raped, it was by someone close to me. I had clearly told him my boundaries, but that didn’t stop him from raping me while I was half asleep. For three more months, I tried to push him away. He thought my resistance was a joke. The abuse continued.

When I finally reported what happened to Brigham Young University’s Title IX office in 2022, I was met with neglect and mistreatment, which left me even more traumatized. I pursued a restraining order and was granted one — but when I asked Provo Police about pressing charges, I was told there wasn’t enough “physical evidence.” I was warned not to pursue it. They said that going to criminal court would only retraumatize me — that I would most likely lose.

In November 2024, I agreed to go on a first date with someone. That same night, he raped me. I drove myself to the hospital the next day, barely breathing through panic attacks, and I underwent a forensic exam. The doctor had to photograph and document every bruise, scrape and injury — even the bruising at my cervix.

Still, when I reported what happened to police weeks later, the case was closed due to a “lack of evidence.” Again.

You can say “no.” You can go to the hospital. You can relive the worst night of your life for strangers in uniforms and, still, you are told that your pain — your proof — isn’t enough. So when Jane Doe says Provo Police discouraged her from seeking justice, I believe her. Because I’ve lived it, as have countless other women in Utah.

This isn’t just about Retzlaff. It’s about how we treat victims when their stories inconvenience our heroes, our teams and our institutions. Jane Doe is left to suffer while strangers debate her credibility.

Let me be clear: Due process is essential. But so is humanity. And what Jane Doe — and so many of us — have received from society and the justice system is not humanity. It’s abandonment.

This case is about more than one woman’s story. It’s about a culture that constantly questions victims and protects abusers. It’s about a system in which survivors are told to stay quiet — even despite medical evidence and trauma — because “you’ll never win.”

We deserve better. Jane Doe deserves better. Utah deserves a system that sees survivors not as threats to be silenced, but as people worth fighting for.

To every woman who’s ever been asked, “Did you say stop?” — I see you. I believe you. And you are not alone.

(Brianna Wilson) Brianna Wilson is a graduate of Brigham Young University with a degree in family studies and is currently pursuing a Master of Public Administration at Utah Valley University.

Brianna Wilson is a graduate of Brigham Young University with a degree in family studies and is currently pursuing a Master of Public Administration at Utah Valley University. She is a survivor and advocate for sexual assault awareness and institutional accountability.

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